A Very Disappointing Experiment'
by Lac Lausanne
Summary: A few months before the events of 'The Smurfs 2' movie. Gargamel creates some Smurfs of his own, but they are not all he expected them to be.


**'A Very Disappointing Experiment'**

**It has been just over three years since Gargamel had been left behind in New York city after his failure to capture the Smurfs. Just as he had sunk to the depths of despair a chance encounter with a rude taxi driver had changed his and the life of his cat beyond his wildest dreams. They were catapulted to world fame. His magic astounded the modern masses, they were hungry for it and he loved the adoration. All of this, thanks to the Smurf essence he had managed to eke out of his destroyed 'Smurfalator'. His shows were a sell-out all over the world and he was now performing at the Paris Opera House for the next year.**

**He reckoned that there was less than six months left before his powers would be gone for good. He could have used the remaining essence to return home, but he decided to stick around a bit longer in the 'Kingdom of Paris'.**

**Although he had fame and fortune, he was constantly tormented by the thought that the Smurfs could be happy and content in their little village. He imagined them celebrating the fact that he was not around and this made him consumed with hate and revenge.**

**Every night, he dreamt of what he would do to Papa if he ever got his hands on him again! Then on the eve of another lonely birthday he had an idea.**

**He would make himself some Smurfs, just as he had done in the past with Smurfette, but this time they would be used to harvest essence, so that he could take over the world and change some laws. The first in line would be a ban on the 'V' for victory sign, High-fives and Cheeseburgers. And ultimately, he would bring about 'Smurfageddon'...**

_Backstage at the Paris Opera House on Halloween;_

Gargamel bowed to the audience and made his exit from the stage through the wooden mock-up of his hovel. He walked through to another larger room at the side of the stage and took off his cloak and hung it up in the closet with several other cloaks, which all looked the same.

'What do you mean Azrael? I don't have the right sort of clay? Foolish cat, I can use any clay. I only used that blue clay back home because it was...blue!

Anyway, it's my birthday and I'll use what I like! And I'm the wizard not you! Ever since I created that tiny 'retrieval' portal back to the hovel in the so called 'Magic Kingdom' of Orlando. That infuriating 'Great Book of Spells' keeps taunting me about the fact that I am becoming lazy. It's just jealous. But I know how to control it at last. No more waiting until the final phase of the full moon. I can do whatever spell I wish, when I wish to do it!"

He went to a sideboard and poured himself a drink. With his refreshment in hand he wearily sat down in a large chair next to a writing podium. Parchments lay strew around, with lots of detailed drawings. Most of them were of his grand plan. There were about forty pages of it. He picked up the last parchment and held in up in triumph.

"See Azrael? This is what we are here for. The Smurfs will be no more in a very short while. No more of their horrible singing and being nice. It's going to be so exiting to finally destroy them!" He started to snigger to himself.

Gargamel got up from his chair and climbed up some stairs at the rear of the room to a small platform in front of a full length mirror. He pushed a button set into a wooden carving and the mirror clicked open. It had no sophisticated way of opening, he had to give it a good push to go through.

On the other side of the mirror was a large cavernous room, water ran through a central gutter and the whole place had the appearance of a sewer. It didn't smell very pleasant either. Gargamel had been based at the Paris Opera house for the last few months. He had been all round the world and decided that he liked this place the best. Planning ahead, he had seen the potential for the large metal spire, not far from his hotel. People called it the Eiffel Tower, he called it his ' Portal maker'. He had used his dwindling Smurf essence to build himself a laboratory, filled with everything he would ever need to process and collect all the essence in history.

One day the metal spire would come in very useful.

His time was filled with performances. The day the yellow taxi fell on him was his luckiest day ever! He would normally have told everyone to get lost but he was trapped and reluctantly had to let others help him. It took two fire engine crews and paramedics to get him out. He spent a few days in hospital, but he wasn't truly hurt. At the time he loved all the care and attention he was receiving. He was a tough old bird and it would take more than a few tons of metal to kill him. His magic made sure of that. It was whilst in hospital that he signed up with an agent, who promoted his talents far and wide.

The agent loved Gargamel's energy and dedication to his fame. He never cancelled a performance and each week his repertoire was different, more exiting than the last. But at the same time that little bit more dangerous for his fans. He had to be reminded several times not to harm anyone.

Gargamel still had to state the obligatory 'Health and Safety' announcement at the start of each show, he particularly enjoyed warning his adoring masses that there was a 'Good chance of a fire and if they were particularly unlucky, death' when being present at his show.

Fame and fortune meant that he had an unlimited supply of worshipers. Women of all ages threw themselves at him but luckily for them he was not interested in the pleasures of the flesh. Well apart from eating. He had put on a few pounds in the last couple of years. He did go to the gym, well his own private gym where he would race against digital Smurfs on a screen. He had to keep fit for his final plan.

He had simple tastes and would only accept fresh fruit, vegetables and meats that still looked like the animal it came from. So any fish still had to have it's head and a chicken had to be a whole roast chicken.

He had tried fast food once and it almost killed him. He hated it when Azrael meowed 'Cheeseburger' just to wind him up, he would feel all clammy and start to sweat at the mention of that word. He never discussed what happened with anyone, but Azrael had saved him that day. He knew the cat only did it because otherwise his supply of fresh caviar would have dried up. Azrael was clever enough to know that his master did have his uses.

Gargamel climbed down another set of stairs and then across a metal gantry that straddled the central gutter. In front of him another long tunnel opened up, revealing row upon row of small Smurf shaped metal cages one above the other hanging in long metal racks.

Each cage had a tube going into the bottom and out through the top. All the tubes from each cage went to a central collection point. A large glass flask. It was Gargamel's brand new 'Smurfalator'. Once he opened a portal to Smurf village he would be able to process the whole Smurf population.

He had saved one special cage just for Papa. The little bearded bane of his life would get to see his precious children suffer for eternity.

He laughed out loud at this thought, and he carried on cackling to himself as he collected ingredients from his large store cupboard to begin the process of making his own Smurfs. He lit a fire with his wand underneath a large cauldron next to the machine. It was already filled with water and on the table next to it he had a big lump of pale river Seine clay. He picked it up, divided it in two and started to knead and mould the clay.

Although he was famous, he felt quite lonely. He hated parties, he could not make small talk and hated that most people just wanted him there to perform tricks for free. The cheek! Also, modern people worried him a bit.

Listening in on their conversations, they all sounded quite mad. He imagined that they spent all day with their face in a book and tweeted like birds! They went everywhere with little tablets in their hands and checked them constantly. Modern life was far too strange for him.

He had decided that, once his plans come to fruition, his first act would be to destroy the internet and especially anything to do with the demon named 'Justin Beiber'. His singing, if it was possible was worse than the Smurfs! At this thought he squeezed one of the clay lumps too hard and it fell apart. He groaned and bent down to pick up the pieces. He then cackled again just for the sake of it. His 'Great Book of Spells' was on a lectern at the other end of the room, it was bound up with duct tape. Gargamel would only release it when the time was right. It had made fun of him too many times in the past. Now with his Smurf essence HE had the power and the book knew it's place at last!

Azrael was watching everything, he knew from experience that it was going to be a long night. When his master cackled this much, it usually meant trouble was brewing.

And indeed it was. After five hours of mind numbing activity, which consisted of nothing more than carefully stirring a cauldron full of orange bubbling liquid, it was ready to receive the first clay Smurf.

Gargamel had made one girl Smurf and one Boy Smurf. He added extra clay to the latter as he wanted it to be strong. He also thought maybe, he would be able to get more essence out of a fat Smurf? Reading the final part of the spell he slapped his forehead.

"Aaargh! I need some hair from another human being. I can't use anything from myself as I've brewed the potion. But where to find hair?" He asked himself.

Azrael hardly stirred from his sleep.

Gargamel went back up the steps and pushed open the mirror, he ran to the main door of the room. It opened out onto the side of the stage. The magnificent balconies loomed in front of him in the gloom. He had seen the same thing twice a day, almost everyday for four months. He was not impressed anymore.

He jumped off the stage without even bothering with the steps on the side and started to hunt for bits of hair on the rows of seats. Any hair would do, the shape of the clay determined the gender. He just needed DNA to give life to his creations.

After a few minutes he had gathered a few hairs. They were all mixed up, but he was too impatient to care of the consequences.

Back in his laboratory, he added the hair to the potion and placing the first clay figure (the girl) onto a metal grille, he lowered his soon to be 'daughter' into the angry liquid using a chain pulley. He waited exactly 30 seconds and then cranked up the pulley. A black haired Smurfette appeared.

Once the grilled was fully out of the potion, he carefully picked up his creation and placed her gently on a folded towel that had been placed on the table. She was not conscious yet, and would not be until Gargamel recited one final spell.

Turning away from his new daughter he placed the second clay figure onto the grille and started to lower it down into the depths of the cauldron. But something went wrong with the pulley system and his 'son' fell straight into the liquid.

This was a disaster! Gargamel only had a few seconds to rescue his creation before it dissolved away for good. He dived across his laboratory to his tool box and pulled out a large pair of long metal tongs. He fished around in the cauldron, trying to feel for the clay figure, but he could not find it.

Finally in desperation, he pushed over the whole cauldron onto the floor and saw his 'son' fall into the central sewer. He managed to grab hold of it just before it was swept away. It had taken hours to make the potion and he was not going to let this one get away.

He brought his second 'child' to the table and laid him next to the Smurfette. It was still bald. They could have not been any more different.

They were both naked, so he covered them up with another cloth, he would have to get some clothes for them soon.

At this point Azrael came over to see what horror Gargamel had created. To the feline, the creatures lying on the table looked like Smurfs, but they did not smell like them at all. These were not magical creatures. Gargamel could read his cat's mind.

"Yes I know they don't have the same colouring as real Smurfs, Azrael. But I still have to invoke a life force for them, and give them a few drops of the precious essence. I just hope they don't drain too much of my supply"

Azrael came closer to the pale Smurfs and moved the female one with his paw. It did not react at all. "Meeoow, merrow, maoow?"

"To be honest Azrael, I made them to keep me company, as much as I pretend to enjoy yours, there is only so much 'cat talk' that I can put up with. And it will be good to have some new faces in our lives. But of course only for a short time as I'm sure they will soon bore me. They will have another use, Mwa,ha,ha,ha! Come, I've finished here. Let us call the carriage and retreat to our hotel for the night. I'll finish the process tomorrow after the matinee. I'm completely exhausted after this hard labour!"

The evil wizard and his cat left the laboratory and the two beings on the table were left in total darkness. Alone with a magic book that was straining against it's bonds.

_The next day;_

After a good night's sleep and another spectacular performance that afternoon, Gargamel was eager to get back to his 'children'.

"At last Azrael, we've got some free time to carry on with my work. I'm so exited. Just a few drops of essence into their mouths and then I can put them in my machine to begin harvesting their essence. I'll have enough collected to begin the grand plan and Smurfageddon!"

He danced around Azrael, acting like an over grown kid. Azrael lay down and put his paws over his head and sighed. He hated it when his master was in a ridiculously happy mood.

In the laboratory, the two lifeless figures were exactly where he had left them. Gargamel pulled back the cloth and to all intents and purposes they looked like dead Smurfs. Not that he had seen any dead ones before, but he imagined that's what they would look like, all pale and pasty.

Gargamel looked towards his 'Great Book of Spells' and saw that it had fallen on the floor during the night. He took his wand out and said;

"ALAKAZAOPEN!"

The duct tape covering the ancient book fell off as if it was tissue paper and the whole thing hovered in mid air. Gargamel used his wand to flick through the pages. The book shivered with either fear or pent up anger but it did not say a word. It couldn't due to another a curse that had been placed upon it by the evil wizard. The book knew it had been beat and just wanted to get it all over with. It had never liked it's owner and now it hated him even more!

"Right, now for the final part of the spell. It has to be performed by the person who shaped the clay. Yes that's me, then it says here," Gargamel brought the spell book closer to his eyes.

"The invoker must stand on one leg and say the spell without falling over. Well that sounds easy. You're losing your touch, book of spells. Don't you want to humiliate me in some way?"

As he looked at the page, the words re-arranged themselves and spelt out a very rude word.

"How dare you! You'll pay dearly for that, you old worm eaten book!"

Gargamel may have been able to stop the book talking out loud, but it could still communicate with letters. It was just disappointed that it couldn't change the spells themselves. The wizard had made sure to 'freeze' all the original spells, before affixing the curse.

He took out the vial of Smurf Essence from under his cassock, he dangled it in front of him. It was half full. Taking out the stopper, it revealed itself to be a dropper. He gently opened the mouth of the female and allowed two drops to enter. She started to glow blue.

"He,he,he, Look it's working Azrael!"

He then brought the book up to chest level using his wand and carefully balanced on one leg. Concentrating on the words and trying not to topple over was quite hard work! He began to chant the invocation;

_Sugar and spice but nothing nice_

_A dram of crocodile tears_

_A peck of bird brain_

_The tip of an adder's tongue_

_Half a pack of white lies_

_The slyness of a cat_

_The vanity of a peacock_

_The chatter of a magpie_

_The guile of a vixen_

_And the disposition of a shrew_

"And the final part, the hardest stone for her heart" he held up a small black stone and placed it on top of the female figure. It sank down into it's chest.

Almost imperceptibly at first, his first creation started to breathe, the blue glow became almost blinding and Gargamel had to shield his eyes for a few seconds. Then the glow was gone, it had revealed a startled looking Smurf like creature with blue streak in her shoulder length jet black hair and blue freckles on her still pale face.

Some more letters appeared on the page and they were "Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!"

Gargamel forcibly pushed the spell book onto the floor and started to jump up and down on it.

"How Dare it! How dare it go wrong! She's meant to be blue! I've given her Smurf Essence, she's are Smurf sized, why is it not working?!"

He jumped on the book one more time and then drop kicked it over the racks of Smurf cages. It seemed to explode, the pages fell out of it and floated down all over the place. It had finally been set free, every single fluttering page had three words on it.

_**GO TO HELL!**_

_And then even the pages were gone, they flared bright green and turned to ashes._

_Gargamel was angry, very angry but he just felt like..._

Crying, he sat down on the floor next to the table, put his head on his knees and started to sob with frustration.

He had forgotten about his new daughter in his fit of self-pity, that when he had finally pulled himself together he looked up and saw her peeping at him from the edge of the table. She had a look of concern on her face and for a moment he thought that was quite sweet that someone was looking at him with, what was that word? Love? She would soon learn that it was over rated.

He dried his eyes with the end of his cassock sleeve and stood up. His daughter retreated from the edge and hid herself under the cloth. She was ashamed of her nakedness and he suddenly felt sorry for her.

"Here my dear!" he said as nicely as he could. He was quite taken aback by this new feeling of caring for a defenceless creature.

"Use this handkerchief as a dress for now, I'll find you some nice clothes as soon as I can. But now I have to wake your brother"

He pointed to the lifeless figure lying next to his daughter. Once again he took out the stopper from the vial and placed two drops into the mouth of his son and then an extra drop for good luck. Maybe he would be blue if he had an extra dose? He then repeated the invocation from memory, but this time changed some of the words as he was a boy after all,

_Slugs and snails and dirty toenails_

_A dollop of muddy thoughts_

_A squashed fly all yellow and dry_

_A butterfly that can no longer fly_

_A bucket of toad guts_

_The self loathing of a bully_

_And the cruelty of a raven_

But this time he had forgotten to balance on one leg. Even though the stone had sunk into its chest. It was too late, the creature started to breathe and the blue glow became blinding just as before. This time it revealed a plump Smurf with a mop of ginger hair, blue freckles and a small ginger goatee beard. It let out a very smelly fart and smiled with a look of great satisfaction.

"I think I'll have my hands full with you two," Gargamel said to his new little children. Azrael did not like the look of either of them and was already plotting to make sure they did not last long in this world.

_Several weeks later;_

It had been a steep learning curve for all of them. Gargamel especially. He found the children very tiring and after a hard day performing, he did not get any rest once back at the hotel. They still wanted his attention, either wanting to play or talk about what they had done that day.

Although they lived in the hotel, they were never seen by the staff. The wizard would always get them to hide in the hood of his cassock when he needed to take them anywhere.

Both of his 'Naughties,' a name they had chosen for themselves had distinct personalities. Vexy was street wise and ruthless. She always tried to trick her brother into doing things to get him into trouble. Gargamel could see a part of himself in her, so she was his favourite.

Hackus on the other hand was a law unto himself. He was very sweet and innocent but quite a buffoon. Gargamel started to suspect that standing on one leg was a very important part of the original spell.

Hackus did not have Vexy's intelligence or cunning, but he made them all laugh with his antics.

Some of them were quite crude and Gargamel was glad that he could not see anything in common with this ginger creature. Azrael would disagree with that thought.

Gargamel was a strict father, he did have to punish them a few times when things got out of hand or when he was in a bad mood, which was often. The Naughties soon learnt to gauge his moods and would keep out of his way until he calmed down.

But the Smurf essence was running very low. One morning, their father had found both his children un-responsive and somehow in the night they had crawled onto his bed and he had woken up to find them slumped on his chest.

He had tried to shake them awake, but nothing worked. The only thing he could think of at the time was using the essence.

He gave both of them one drop in the mouth and they instantly revived.

After that day, it seemed that they needed two drop a day at least to stay alive. The initial dose when they were created had lasted for a long time.

Maybe they were just degenerating? That cursed book had the last laugh after all.

He would have to find a way to make them real Smurfs and only one thought came to his evil mind.

He would capture the original Smurfette and get her to spill the beans.

**The End**

_Until 'The Smurfs 2' film_


End file.
